August 15, 2024. Armed attack on family ranch in Paraguay. Two dead. One hostage escaped. Me in Sydney: 13,000 kilometres distant, geometrically separated, systematically unable to act.
Built three weapons immediately after—UZI, MP5, Glock. Precision-constructed to cultural recognisability. None functional. All lack triggers. Cannot fire.
The absent trigger isn't incompletion awaiting correction. It's the measurement itself. Pull nothing. Fire nothing. Protect nothing. Change nothing. Form separated from function. Power's shape without its capacity.
THE WRONGNESS IS THE TRUTH
For 14 months, called them "form studies." Self-protective language. Repeated to everyone: "They don't have a trigger, they don't do anything." Stated truth without understanding what I was saying.
Thought about adding trigger mechanisms many times. Bought 3D printer. Had capability, tools, materials, skill. Printed so many other things. Never triggers. The unconscious refused to let me finish what was already finished. The incompletion was the completion.
Migration providing Australian stability simultaneously produces protective powerlessness when Paraguay violence recurs. Paraguay to Australia: 13,000+ kilometres, 19+ hour minimum flight, $2000+ ticket cost. Distance isn't inconvenience—it's architectural disability. Cannot respond to emergency. Cannot arrive in time.
Weapon selection reveals pattern I didn't consciously choose: UZI (guerrilla/asymmetric conflict—land struggles), MP5 "Hero Pistol" (counter-terrorism weapon from 1980 Iran embassy siege—psyche selected hostage-crisis weapon when someone from San Ignacio was taken hostage and I couldn't help), Glock (most common defensive pistol—defence I cannot provide).
"Would proximity equal capacity? If I'd been at San Ignacio during attack, what specific actions could I have taken? Perhaps distance doesn't create powerlessness—perhaps it makes existing limited capacity suddenly, painfully legible."
BUILT FROM COMPULSION
Day of news: went to workshop, hands started reaching without plan. Aluminium rods, plywood, L-brackets—whatever was available. First form (UZI): ~3 hours. Second and third (MP5, Glock): 3-4 hours each over following days. Total: ~10 hours across urgent sessions. Couldn't stop building.
Some forms include trigger guard with empty space where mechanism would mount—void architecturally intentional, permanent. Others eliminate guard entirely. Both strategies make absence structurally visible rather than conceptually asserted.
Initially felt wrong to leave empty space. Had to trust the discomfort—the wrongness is the measurement.
Three weapons built in 10 hours across urgent sessions following August 15, 2024 ranch attack. UZI, MP5, Glock—all precision-constructed, none functional. All lack triggers. The absence is the architecture.
MP5 'Hero Pistol'—counter-terrorism weapon from 1980 Iran embassy siege. Psyche selected hostage-crisis weapon when someone from San Ignacio was taken hostage and I couldn't help from 13,000 kilometres away.
UZI form—guerrilla/asymmetric conflict weapon. Aluminium rod frame, plywood silhouette, L-bracket assembly. Trigger guard present. Trigger absent. Built for land struggles I cannot reach.
Glock defensive pistol—most common defence weapon. The defence I cannot provide. Form without function. Power's shape without its capacity. The wrongness is the measurement.
Materials: Aluminium rod (structural rigidity), plywood (recognisable silhouettes), L-brackets (mechanical assembly)
Dimensions: Weapon-scale proportions (UZI, MP5, Glock)
Construction Method: All joints mechanical, serviceable, replaceable. Rod frames cut to approximate length, plywood shaped for weapon silhouettes, connected via L-brackets. Hand-filed for fitting adjustments. Industrial aesthetic—cold, systematic materials for documenting cold, systematic separation.
Critical Absence: Some forms include trigger guard with empty space where mechanism would mount—void architecturally intentional, permanent. Others eliminate guard entirely. Both strategies make absence structurally visible rather than conceptually asserted. Initially felt wrong to leave empty space. Had to trust the discomfort—the wrongness is the measurement.
Build Timeline: August 2024, compressed timeframe immediately following ranch attack. Day of news: went to workshop, hands started reaching for materials without plan. First form (UZI): ~3 hours. Second and third (MP5, Glock): 3-4 hours each over following days. Total: ~10 hours across urgent sessions.
Weapon Typology: UZI (guerrilla/asymmetric conflict—land struggles), MP5 "Hero Pistol" (counter-terrorism weapon from 1980 Iran embassy siege—psyche selected hostage-crisis weapon when someone from San Ignacio was taken hostage), Glock (most common defensive pistol—defence I cannot provide).
Status: Static presentation as objects of contemplation rather than readiness. Frozen, unable to deploy, permanent exhibition of measured inability. The question persists: proximity = capacity, or proximity = legible limitation?